DEAR AMY: My granddaughters are 12 and 9. They haven't seen their biological father in seven years. This is by his choice -- he abandoned his family and left the state. My daughter filed for divorce when he didn't return after a year. She has really struggled to keep her head above water and care for her daughters -- emotionally and financially. My daughter met a very nice man six years ago and has since married him. My son-in-law has stepped in and really taken care of the <a href="/topics/Girls_%28musician%29">girls</a>. They call him dad and love him very much. Their biological father has reappeared after all this time and says he wants to get reacquainted with the <a href="/topics/Girls_%28musician%29">girls</a>. We are all against it. My daughter has had a talk with my granddaughters and explained that their biological father has returned, and the girls are not interested in meeting him. They know their dad is the one who takes care of their daily needs, and they are scared to be involved with somebody who is essentially a stranger to them. I wish the biological father would just stay gone and not disrupt the children's lives. What do you think? Is this fair? Is it a reasonable request? We feel so afraid and are always looking over our shoulders. 
 --Worried Sick Grandmother 
 DEAR WORRIED SICK: It is not clear why you report feeling "afraid." I'm going to assume that as far as you know, this dad is not actually dangerous -- but that you perceive his presence as dangerous to your family's stability. 
 If he has not been paying child support, then his re-emergence is an opportunity for him to make things right financially. Your daughter and her husband should see a lawyer with expertise in parental rights before meeting him. You should not wish this father completely out of your grandchildren's lives, if only because he may emerge sporadically for many years to come, regardless of how you feel. 
 It is best if the kids know him -- even a little bit.

DEAR AMY: My granddaughters are 12 and 9. They haven't seen their biological father in seven years. This is by his choice -- he abandoned his family and left the state. My daughter filed for divorce when he didn't return after a year. She has really struggled to keep her head above water and care for her daughters -- emotionally and financially. My daughter met a very nice man six years ago and has since married him. My son-in-law has stepped in and really taken care of the girls. They call him dad and love him very much. Their biological father has reappeared after all this time and says he wants to get reacquainted with the girls. We are all against it. My daughter has had a talk with my granddaughters and explained that their biological father has returned, and the girls are not interested in meeting him. They know their dad is the one who takes care of their daily needs, and they are scared to be involved with somebody who is essentially a stranger to them. I wish the biological father would just stay gone and not disrupt the children's lives. What do you think? Is this fair? Is it a reasonable request? We feel so afraid and are always looking over our shoulders. --Worried Sick Grandmother DEAR WORRIED SICK: It is not clear why you report feeling "afraid." I'm going to assume that as far as you know, this dad is not actually dangerous -- but that you perceive his presence as dangerous to your family's stability. If he has not been paying child support, then his re-emergence is an opportunity for him to make things right financially. Your daughter and her husband should see a lawyer with expertise in parental rights before meeting him. You should not wish this father completely out of your grandchildren's lives, if only because he may emerge sporadically for many years to come, regardless of how you feel. It is best if the kids know him -- even a little bit.

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