Bird is gone, but the nest isn't empty

DEAR AMY: My wife and I are 50-plus-year-old parents of an only child in her early 20s.

Our daughter has made it clear that since her college graduation and first job, she is now independent and will likely not come back home to live. This is good news, and we applaud her financial independence. The problem at our end is what to do with all the stuff she has left behind -- I'm talking about high school memorabilia and athletic awards, as well as miscellaneous artifacts, clothing and accessories that she has chosen not to take with her. We are currently redecorating her room, and she is always welcome back, but . . . should we toss it all? Should we box it up and save it? Should we pick and choose what to keep -- or should we burden our daughter with the task of sorting through this material when she comes home and deal with her resenting our request because she only wants to socialize with friends when she is home?Not-so-empty-nester

DEAR NOT-SO-EMPTY: These things belong to your daughter, and she should be responsible for dealing with them.

If you are in a hurry to dispatch with her possessions, however, you should pose the same questions to her that you are posing to me: "Would you like us to sort through your things ourselves, box them up, give your clothes to Goodwill, and pick and choose what to keep -- or will you do this the next time you are home?"

In terms of your daughter's resenting you -- judging by the tone of your letter, I detect a tinge of resentment on your end.

Turning your daughter's room into a home spa might help you to cope with her departure.

When I was a bright young thing, my mother boxed up my high school possessions and put them in the barn. This gave me the freedom to pick through the boxes (or not). Thirty years later, I have only one more box to go through. Whew!