Boyfriend's ex has mental issues

DEAR AMY: I am in a serious relationship with a divorced man, and we are moving into a new home together soon. He has two children with his ex. Both kids are wonderful and respond well to me. Their mother is with a man and is building a life with him. Since I've been involved, she has threatened to kill me or to call the police if I am around the kids or involved in anything pertaining to them. She has never met me, and all threats are made via text -- or verbally to my boyfriend or the children. She has punished the children by throwing away their things if I've touched them. She threatens to further punish them if they are nice to me. She has shown up uninvited and unexpected several times and then refuses to leave. We have filed a police report. She admits her behavior is inappropriate and extends apologies, only to resort to the same threats again later. In an attempt to provide a safe environment for them while they are with us, we think it might be best to not disclose to her where our new home is and to arrange a designated drop-off and pickup location when we have the kids to avoid her showing up and creating violent drama as she has in the past. Is this a decent solution?Safe Haven

DEAR SAFE HAVEN: This person is dangerous to you and to her children. Step up to protect them.

Moving to an undisclosed "safe house" does not protect the kids from her rages after they have stayed with you and return to her home. Her unstable behavior puts them in a terrible position of having to try to protect you (and your address) -- while they also are trying to protect themselves.

Their father should do everything possible through the legal system to gain custody of these children, perhaps with visitation with their mother if she proves she can be a responsible part-time parent. This calls for court intervention, counseling and perhaps a diagnosis for what I suspect is a serious mental health issue.