Brother's joint e-mail account riles him

DEAR AMY: My brother and his wife have had only a joint e-mail address. It is not possible to e-mail my brother without his wife being able to view my message (although he insists she doesn't read e-mail not intended for her). It makes me extremely uncomfortable knowing that every e-mail I send to my brother could possibly be read by my sister-in-law. Even though I never send any inappropriate messages, I feel like my privacy is limited. When I mention this to my brother, he says, "I'm sorry if it bothers you, but get over it." Would it be appropriate for my brother to open a personal e-mail account for contact with close friends and use the joint account for e-mail intended for the family?Bothered Brother

DEAR BOTHERED: You could call your brother on the phone and his wife could be listening on an extension. You could write your brother a letter and his wife could open it.

Your brother doesn't have to set up a private e-mail account for your comfort.

If you want to have a truly private conversation, then you'll have to speak with him in person. Otherwise, get over it.

DEAR AMY: I sadly read of the woman whose friends abandoned her when she was dying of cancer because it was too hard for them to cope with her illness. To her "friends," and anyone else in that situation, I'd have three simple words: Suck it up. I was that same sick friend not too long ago. A couple of lifelong friends who live minutes away could not be bothered with so much as a card or phone call, much less a visit. Then I got better. Now these friends who avoided me suddenly want to reconnect as if nothing happened. I really don't want these people in my life. I've recovered. But I don't think our friendship ever will.I'm Back

DEAR BACK: Illness certainly has a way of clarifying matters. Here's to your good health.