Busy young wife resents slovenly husband

DEAR AMY: I am a 21-year-old married woman, working at an internship and attending college full-time. I am very busy. My husband was laid off about eight months ago, and because of this we had to move in with my parents. I've been trying to be the supportive wife, but things are becoming more challenging and more stressful. I come home from a busy day to find dishes in the sink and dirty laundry on the floor, and I end up having to cook and clean all night. I'm beginning to lose hope that he will ever find a job. Furthermore, I don't think he is even looking anymore. I'm beginning to resent him. I question whether I even want to stay married to him. I've tried giving him ultimatums and have tried being supportive at the same time. I feel as if I am becoming the nagging wife I always told myself I wouldn't be, but I just don't know what else to do anymore. How do I save my marriage from a financial hiccup like this?Nagging Wife

DEAR WIFE: A hiccup is a temporary glitch. If things don't change, this could be a way of life.

Ultimatums don't work if there is no real consequence attached. If your marriage is on the line, then say so.

In a healthy, functioning marriage both partners do a lifetime dance -- and they switch or share roles when they need to. You two should sit down when you are not in the midst of a stressful maelstrom and talk about expectations and efforts.

Is your husband willing to have the housework done by 4 p.m. each day? Is he willing to hustle to mow lawns or wash windows to keep busy and bring in some cash? And if not, why not? After your schooling and professional training, are you willing to go to work full-time to support the two of you? In addition to being helpful to the household (and respecting your parents' home), stepping up will make your husband feel energized and useful -- and will help with his job search.