Caring for aunt, without cousins' help

DEAR AMY: I am in a predicament that I'm sure many other 50-somethings can relate to. I have an elderly aunt who lives nearby. She is a sweet person and handicapped. I have been doing her favors and keeping an eye on her for years. My aunt has two sons who live in other states who come to see her once a year. The attention I give her is slowly transforming from friendly errands into caregiving. I contacted my cousins, who are not very interested in taking responsibility. Their response and advice is to just "blow off" old Mom if she asks too many favors. I just can't be mean to her -- she needs somebody, and I'm about all she has. My cousins always say, "Thanks for taking care of Mom! We appreciate it!" Well, I don't want praise, I want help. I also don't want any bad blood with the cousins. I sacrificed plenty when my own parents were aging/dying. Currently, I have a full-time job and not a lot of spare time. Any advice?Worried Niece

DEAR WORRIED: You should write an email and send it to both cousins, telling them frankly and specifically what you feel their mother's needs are at this point.

Here's an example of what you might write: "Right now, Aunt Carol is having trouble bathing and keeping her place clean. She needs rides to and from the grocery store and the doctor, and also needs help filling prescriptions and taking her medication regularly. She fell last week but didn't tell anyone, and I'm worried about her." Be very specific.

The U.S. Administration on Aging provides an "elder care locator" (eldercare.gov). Send a link and suggest they look into hiring caregivers who can see their mother daily.

Tell your cousins that when they come for a visit over the holidays, you would be happy to talk this through with them but that you can no longer give her the care she needs.

Their telling you to ignore their mother is unacceptable. Convey this to them.