Chafing in an overcrowded household

DEAR AMY: I am a 21-year-old girl, and I live with my mother, father, my brother-in-law and my older sister, who just had her first baby. I love my niece very much, but I am beginning to feel a little resentful of my family. They expect me to always be home to help take care of the baby, even though I work, have a serious relationship and also try to squeeze in some time with my friends. I haven't been out to celebrate my 21st birthday, five months ago! When I come home after spending time with my boyfriend, my mom greets me with a sarcastic, "Nice to see you." Or, "Thanks for all your help today." I don't mind helping out when I am home, but I don't think it's fair for my mother to expect me to take care of my sister's child. My mother and sister have flexible job schedules. They make their own hours. I don't have that luxury, yet I am expected to come home and help in our overpopulated house. Am I really selfish because I want to enjoy myself while I am still young?

--Peter Pan

DEAR PETER: If your parents are providing housing for you, you are obligated to step up and help out. Aside from baby-sitting, there are many ways you can help at home.

Your mother should not passively hint around that you are not pulling your weight, but she is obviously overwhelmed.

You should work with your folks regarding household tasks you can perform and a schedule to do these tasks that they can count on. And then you should do these things, promptly and competently.

Your sister's choice to have a baby and live with your parents should not be your problem, just as your desire to spend time with your boyfriend or your friends is not your parents' problem.

In a crowded household, members have to take care of themselves, as well as find ways to contribute positively to the group.