'Chats' with old beau jeopardize marriage

DEAR AMY: I fell deeply in love with "Sean" when we were in college, but we decided not to get married because my family opposed it. Both of us married other people and had not been in contact for more than 15 years. My husband knows of my past with Sean. I will care about Sean the rest of my life, but I have been able to keep that separate from my marriage because I love my husband and kids. Sean sent me an e-mail recently. He wanted to know whether I was happy and gave me his phone number. I called him, and we caught up. He said he was happily married and had a son. I told my husband about the e-mail and the call, and he said he was OK with it. Recently, Sean and I started "chatting" online. When I told my husband, he said he was concerned. He said he didn't mind the rare e-mail or phone call, but "chatting" made him uncomfortable. He said that while he trusted me completely, he didn't know what would happen to our marriage if Sean tried to escalate our contact to something more than a casual friendship. Sean and I have agreed that we would do nothing to hurt our spouses. I am hurt that my husband doesn't trust me enough, despite the fact that I have been totally committed to him for the past 15 years.Wondering Wife

DEAR WONDERING: Your husband has been reasonable and honest with you, and yet you have manufactured his honesty into an excuse to feel hurt.

You admit that you have feelings for "Sean." You are choosing to be involved in an ongoing relationship to the exclusion of both of your spouses. I suggest you ask yourself how you would feel if your husband chose to be in regular and private "chatting" contact with someone he was once deeply in love with and still had feelings for.

I assure you, you would feel quite threatened, and you wouldn't like it.