Coach's mom sends bad example to kids

DEAR AMY: My 9-year-old daughter is on a soccer team that has had the same coach for three years. She's good, she is supportive and not too hard on the kids, and all the parents like her. Unfortunately, the coach's mother is a different story. She is loud, mean and inappropriate at games. I have heard her taunt the referee ("Hey! You wanna borrow my glasses?"), yell insults across the field to opposite coaches and parents, and scream at girls on our team to play a certain way, even though we have a no-coaching-from-the-sidelines rule. If it were any other parent, someone would say something to the coach, but it's her mother, who, to be honest, completely dominates and constantly criticizes her daughter (our coach) as well. In truth, I think we're all a little afraid of her and/or what she will say if called on this behavior. In this case, is an anonymous note to the mother or to the coach appropriate?

--Soccer Mom

DEAR MOM: I'm not sure what an anonymous note would accomplish. Your coach already knows that her mother is a menace. Would a note illuminate the situation? This particular "fan" should behave according to the rules of conduct established by your league and enforced by the referees.

I agree that it can be dicey for one parent to directly confront another parent at a game.

Because this situation has occurred over time -- and because this sideline abuse is likely affecting the kids -- you should have a private word with the coach (perhaps after practice) and simply say, "I know this is awkward, but your mother is disruptive during games and I'm looking for some direction. Can you speak with her? Should I or another parent speak with her? Can the referees enforce the sideline rules?" Maintain a neutral stance, be open to suggestions, and understand and acknowledge that this is tricky.