Conflicting plans for Iraq homecoming

DEAR AMY: My husband will soon finish a fairly long deployment in Iraq. I can't wait for him to come home. My husband's mother plans to greet him at the airport as soon as his flight lands. She is also trying to make plans for that day for my husband's immediate family to get together at a party at one of our homes. My husband and I agree that we'd like to spend some alone time together before he gets inundated with company. He wants some time to wind down. I've tried telling her this, but she is being very insistent. Normally I'd tell him that he needs to talk to her himself, but he's already stressed out enough and she's been calling me about it. Help!Frustrated Daughter-in-Law

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Tell your mother-in-law that your husband has asked you to speak with her about this. Say that he'd like her to come to the airport, but that he has asked specifically for everybody else to wait until the next day.

(This might make things a little easier on everyone because his flight could be delayed.) You might engage her cooperation by asking her if she could help you explain this to other family members. Offer to help with a family party the day after he returns (or on the weekend).

If hordes of family members show up at the airport, then do your best to roll with it. Everyone misses him, and unfortunately they're not thinking about what he wants but about what they want. Given the circumstances, that's understandable.

DEAR AMY: Your letter from the man who wanted to know how to be a good grandpa brought back a warm memory. My husband used to sit on the floor while his little granddaughter would play "hairdresser." Combs, clips and ribbons made Grandpa into a charming "customer." I was grateful Grandpa had some hair to work with. Gram From Ithaca

DEAR GRAM: I'm picturing it now. So sweet!