Cut yourself from hubby's purse strings

DEAR AMY: I have a big problem with my husband of eight years. He has his check direct-deposited into his mother's account and she pretty much controls our finances. I get maybe $80 every two weeks -- that is supposed to last and also take care of our four kids. I have no idea how much my husband gets. He says he works for it, so he can do what he wants with his money. I am not OK with this. If I want to buy a soda from the store, I have to go through the chain of command. We usually get a little refund from our taxes, but every year I get what my husband and his mother feel is appropriate. This year I filed and received the refund, and I didn't tell or give any of it to either of them. They both are angry, so now they are completely cutting me off of any finances. Am I wrong for not feeling bad about taking the money? What should I do?No Regrets

DEAR REGRETS: This is alarming. Your husband and his family are completely controlling you through access to money, and this level of control is abusive and unacceptable.

In order for your own family to thrive and be successful, your husband needs to be a partner to you -- and not hold you as an accessory to his mother's machinations.

You should seek peaceful ways to mediate this with your husband -- with the goal of complete transparency on both sides (yours and his). You should also see if you can get a part-time job to bring in some income.

If you cannot successfully change this dynamic, you should consider leaving the marriage. I realize you have children to consider, but this abusive level of control is not healthy.

You can seek low- or no-cost counseling and mediation through your local department of social services.

DEAR AMY: How can I stop a good neighbor and his wife from coming to our place every day for coffee? They usually stay for an hour. I don't mind once in a while, but this is too much! He does ask us to come over to his house, but he is a Mr. Know It All and we aren't interested in increasing our contact. They are both in their late 70s. They are not lonely people -- they are on the go every day. I have a lot of respect for them and I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I don't know how to respond.Coffee Klatched

DEAR KLATCHED: You will have to build a fence of sorts around your home -- and establish a boundary, and then be firm about protecting it. The respectful way to put this is to be brave enough to say, "Every day is just too much for us to have you pop in, but we like seeing you -- can we do this maybe twice a week?"