Dad must speak up for his blended family

DEAR AMY: When I married my wife, she had two kids and I had two kids. We became a very happy blended family of six and have been together for 12 years. My wife's extended family has accepted this. They always include all four children for holidays and recognize all the kids' birthdays. They love all four kids equally; it's very warm and welcoming. My family just can't accept our blended family. They exclude my stepkids on birthdays, graduations, Christmas, family functions, conversations, etc. It really hurts me to see my own family exclude my children. My sister frequently tells my wife that her kids are not blood-related to us. The hurt in my wife's eyes is hard for me to handle. It's hard to accept that, with all the things in this world that could hurt my wife, it's my family that hurts her the most. How can I get my family to understand how hurtful their actions are?

The next time your sister expresses this level of disrespect toward your wife and children, your reaction should be consistent: "This is unacceptable. Get your coat; it's time to go." You owe your wife and all of your children an apology. Say: "My family members are ignorant and have been very rude to all of us. We are 100 percent family, and I'm going to try to do a better job of being a dad to all of you." When you tolerate this sort of disrespect, your stepchildren aren't the only ones affected. This treatment places your biological children in a terrible spot with their siblings.