Dad's drinking is worse than his politics

DEAR AMY: My dad's politics are at odds with those of the rest of the family. He keeps sending us the most extreme and hateful articles that upset all of us. We keep asking him to stop, but when he drinks too much (which is almost every night) he will send us articles with messages like, "I dare you to read this," or, "You won't be so hard on me after you read this factual article" (which turns out to be totally fabricated). Most of the time, I just delete his emails without even opening them. I've asked him to please stop sending me any political emails. Then he won't talk to me for days. Sometimes he will even not remember sending me anything (because of his drinking) and his feelings are hurt again because he has no idea why I am so hard on him. I try to take the high road, but I also will not let him bully me. Last Thanksgiving, he started discussing politics at the dinner table, and when we tried to discuss the issues with him, he told us we were stupid and that we should shut up. What can I do to keep him from upsetting me, outside of cutting him out of my life?

--Desperate Daughter

DEAR DAUGHTER: You think this is about offensive or unwanted email, but I think this is about your father's drinking.

You claim his drinking is excessive enough that he does things he doesn't remember doing, then his feelings are hurt when you (or others) react to his actions.

You should automatically delete his messages to you -- or have email from him sent directly to your "spam" folder for you to review periodically.

Has anybody in your family urged your father to get help to stop drinking? You can anticipate denial and/or belligerence when you do, which isn't much different from how he relates to you anyway. You'll gain perspective on this through Al-Anon.

"Taking the high road" is confronting a problem directly, calmly, respectfully, consistently and with love.