Damaged sweater destroying a friendship

DEAR AMY: I recently had a reunion with two high school friends to celebrate our 50th birthdays. One of these friends was my maid of honor 20 years ago. The other was also at my wedding. We all met up at a lovely hotel in upstate New York and went to dinner at a nice restaurant. My maid of honor did not bring a sweater, so I lent her one of my favorite basic black sweaters. She never wore the sweater. It sat in her bag and then she returned it to me. I was disappointed when I noticed the next morning that the sleeve was chewed up, as if a zipper had crossed over it. When I got back home I sent her a brief e-mail describing the damage to the sweater and asking if she would kindly replace it. She denied that it was her fault and said she was insulted that I would ask a friend to replace it. I bought a new sweater and sent her a copy of the store receipt. A month has gone by with no word from her. Can this friendship be saved? We live nearly 3,000 miles apart and I rarely get a telephone call or letter. Even her Christmas cards are weeks late. She claims she is a disorganized person, but isn't friendship a two-way street?

FrustratedDEAR FRUSTRATED: Stuff happens. Life takes a toll

- on sweaters and friendships.

Because you didn't witness this damage take place, the kindest thing is to assume the sweater was somehow damaged in transition.

Regardless of what happened or who caused the damage, the friendship won't be repaired until you take the long view and figure out what's really important.

Sweaters don't matter. People matter.

If this friendship was good before this incident (you don't seem to think it was), it can be good again, but only after you apologize for forcing the issue in such a clunky, unkind way.