Daughter, 10, has extreme tantrums

DEAR AMY: My lovely daughter is 10 years old. She is an extremely bright, talkative, beautiful and friendly girl, well-liked by all the kids at school. She is athletic, creative, an advanced reader and excels academically. She sounds practically perfect, doesn't she? Well, unfortunately she has been prone to temper tantrums since she was small. I thought that she would outgrow this. In some ways she has outgrown it, but she still gets very angry and yells at the top of her lungs, stomps around, slams doors and plugs her ears. I am concerned that she is unable to control herself and that this behavior will continue to impede her as she gets older. She will not listen to reason, and she can be very difficult to communicate with. She has so many other great qualities, but her siblings tend to steer clear of her because of her quick temper. I am a teacher, and so I am well-versed in child development. I don't want to squash her confidence, but she needs to get her emotions under control.

--Frustrated Mom

DEAR MOM: Your daughter's issues might be caused by a complex set of factors.

I have read about people with various allergies or food sensitivities that can cause them to act erratically, much as you describe. You should look for patterns and triggers and have her thoroughly evaluated by her pediatrician. An outside professional can look at the totality of her behavior and help all of you respond consistently, with clear boundaries and consequences.

If she doesn't do this at school, then you have to re-evaluate your home life. She should not only to stop doing this, but think about her behavior: How does her body feel just before she erupts? Does she feel a rushing in her ears? Does her face feel hot? She could train herself to try to recognize these sensations and breathe deeply, get a drink of water or juice, or go to a favorite place in the house while the storm passes.