Daughter's boyfriend's dad is unfaithful

DEAR AMY: My 17-year-old daughter has a very nice boyfriend. He just told her that he has discovered his father is having an affair. His dad had given him his old cell phone and forgot to delete his text messages, which included those to another woman. The boyfriend asked her opinion on what he should do. Should he confront his dad or tell his mom? He thought his parents were happily married. Any guidance?

--Upset Mom

 DEAR UPSET: This boy should speak with his father. He should simply tell his father what he found and ask, "Dad - what gives?"

If his father found similar text messages on the son's phone, he would no doubt ask for and expect a truthful explanation.

After that, he should let his father handle this issue.

DEAR AMY: I'm writing in response to "Jessica," who wants her father's wife (Jessica's stepmother) to fade into the background and not interact with or give gifts to her children. My mother remarried a man whose children communicated their disdain of her and her lack of worth to them in myriad ways. They always had their children use her first name instead of a "grandparent" name. My stepfather died in 2002, and my mother's second-class status among her stepchildren and step-grandchildren remains a deep source of pain for her. I would ask Jessica to reconsider the love available to her own children, and even to herself, if she opens her heart to her father's wife.

--Caring in Colorado

DEAR CARING: I've received many responses to the letter from "Jessica," who didn't want her kids to use a "grandparent-type" name or interact much with her stepmother (who sounded like a very nice person). Most readers agree that this choice is not only a source of pain for the adult, but also a loss for the children.