Death of boyfriend's mom a game-changer?

DEAR AMY: I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly five years. We live together. Six months ago, he went to live with his parents in a different state so he could take care of his mother who was terminally ill. Unfortunately, she lost her battle a few weeks ago. I was completely supportive of his choice to quit his job to be with his mother. We have often discussed getting married and having children. Having a family was a very high priority to him. But now that he is back home, he has shared his fears about the future and says he is not sure anymore if he wants marriage or children. I realize he is still grieving, but I am concerned that he may no longer see children in our future.

Should I just give him more time to sort through his feelings, or do I need to accept that he no longer wants a family?Upset Partner

DEAR UPSET: Grief takes many forms, and the death of a close loved one (especially after a long period of caretaking) will (and should) cause a person to re-evaluate his own life.

Sometimes, the conclusions are extreme. I've known people who have walked away from jobs and marriages after experiencing a death in the family.

A basic, general and good guideline to follow after a death is to not make any major decisions for a year after the loss. During this year, the grieving person should be allowed -- even encouraged -- to discuss these big-picture issues. Giving a voice to these thoughts will help him answer the question every survivor ponders, which is: "What about me?" The timing here might be tough because you're getting antsy about your own future. But don't freak out when your guy expresses these thoughts.

He will benefit from meeting with other people who are grieving. Your local hospice will know about local grief support groups.