Debate: Equitable Christmas gifts from grandmother

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have two adult children. Both have been living on their own for some time. My husband's brother is unmarried with no children. Both brothers have equal financial status. Every Christmas, my mother-in-law gives my husband, our two children and me a gift of $250 each. However, she gives her unmarried son a gift of $1,000. Yes, this is very generous to all, but my husband feels it is unfair to him as he is being financially "penalized" for having a family. Thoughts?

--Anonymous

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your mother-in-law is giving each of her sons the same amount of money - $1,000 per family.

You and your husband aren't being penalized for having children - you, specifically, are being rewarded for being your husband's wife, and your children are being rewarded for being on the planet. If your husband feels underappreciated by his mother, perhaps you and your children could pool your gifts to give to him.

This gift appropriation seems fair to me, but readers may have other views.

DEAR AMY: In response to "Online Widower," whose wife stayed up until all hours on the computer: My ex-wife did the same thing. She completely blocked her family and stayed up past 3 a.m. chatting online. She stopped working, paying bills and taking care of the children. I found out she was chatting with another man. That ended our 28-year marriage. When someone stays up late after everyone goes to bed, that should be a red flag.

--Been There in N.C.

DEAR BEEN THERE: "Online Widower" spent his evenings sitting alone in the living room, waiting for his wife to pay attention to him.

I agree with you that he should assume his relationship is in trouble and try his hardest to get to the bottom of it.