Debtor parents need professional help

DEAR AMY: My two siblings and I live far from our parents, who are in their mid-70s. Over the past few years, my parents have asked us for help with their bills. We prompted them to get a loan modification, which has enabled them to stay in their home, but they have accrued huge credit card debt. Our dad is self-employed. My mom has many health problems. They are both alcoholics. A credit counselor consolidated their debt to a pretty large monthly sum. My dad just asked for a large sum to be sent as soon as possible to help pay bills. The amount of money we have sent is substantial. We love our parents but have had enough. They have many valuable belongings, which we are sure they could sell. They are unwilling to consider this. We also would like them to claim bankruptcy and downsize to an apartment. My brother told them he is unable to assist them financially but is willing to help them move out and sell things. My sister and I are financially able to help but feel we are continuing to contribute to a very unsustainable situation and are at a loss as to how to proceed.Desperate Daughter

DEAR DESPERATE: Your parents will bounce from crisis to crisis - and their health issues will bring on yet more emergencies. You and your siblings must be on the same page regarding their care and welfare. Pace yourselves, because it's a long and bumpy ride.

You and your siblings should get together to develop a strategy. Seek professional help through your local office on aging or the U.S. Administration on Aging's eldercare website (www.eldercare.gov) or call 800-677-1116. You can also hire a professional geriatric care manager to help you through this phase.

Present a united front. You say, "Here's the reality. We can't continue to pour money into your household. We're so sorry it has come to this, but you need to move and we'd like to help."