Does accident-prone stepdaughter deserve another car?

DEAR AMY: My husband wants to buy his daughter a car and pay for the insurance. She is a 21-year-old college student and does well in school. We bought her a car in 2007, and she had so many minor accidents that the insurance tripled. We took the car away and agreed that we would not buy her another. Since then, my husband talked his father into giving her $1,000, and he gave her $1,000. His ex-wife then took all the money out of the daughter's account and bought her a car. This car was totaled in an accident, which my stepdaughter caused. I think this girl needs to buy her own car and insurance. It is clear to me that she doesn't give a hoot about things someone else bought her. I've told my husband that I will not pay for her car or insurance. (I am the primary breadwinner.) I think my husband should buy his daughter something she could actually use - like some driver's education classes or a driver's safety course. He thinks I am being unreasonable and mean. I think he's teaching her how to be a spoiled brat. (She only calls when she wants something, and then she cries.) Should I let him buy the car? Am I being a wicked stepmother? Help!Step-Monster

DEAR MONSTER: Your arguments about your stepdaughter's values are completely logical. However, no one in your household seems concerned about the other motorists who have the bad fortune of wandering into this young woman's crash course.

It is completely reasonable to ask your stepdaughter to complete a safety course before driving again.

This isn't just about your stepdaughter's driving, of course. This is about power, control, money and parenting.

Rather than putting your foot down and harshly judging your husband and stepdaughter, sit down together and talk about the big picture. You can negotiate this and other relationship issues with a counselor.