Don't let anti-gay sister define family

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, and things are progressing to the point of possible marriage. Our families have never really met because of distance. However, his family will be visiting our town soon, and we thought it might be a good opportunity to have our parents meet. I asked my folks if we could hold an informal barbecue at their place, with both families getting together.

Everything was fine until my sister objected because my boyfriend's brother is gay and has a long-term partner. She and her husband are very conservative and convinced my parents it would not be in the best interest of the kids to be "exposed" to such a relationship. Essentially, she said that either the brother's partner not be invited and the barbecue be kept as a strictly "family" affair (i.e., related by blood or by marriage) or that her family would not be attending. My parents now want to back out and just have a dinner somewhere with only the parents and us. Though I am not happy about this, I am willing to take "baby steps" to get these families together. My boyfriend, however, is livid and is insisting that everybody be invited, and whoever doesn't want to show up, just doesn't show up. I'm afraid if this isn't handled well it may turn out to be a deal breaker for him. What do you think?Troubled Girlfriend

DEAR TROUBLED: Your sister seems to feel that people who love each other but aren't married are frightening to children. If her proposed get-together includes only "blood" or married relatives, then you realize that your boyfriend also won't be able to attend, correct? Since this started when you suggested that your folks host a barbecue, I suggest you and your boyfriend stop trying to host events at other people's houses.

You should invite whomever you want from both families to a gathering either at your home or at a park or restaurant.