Don't sweep aside hurts from grown kids

Upon reflection, you may see how your behavior has influenced your children. You may see, for instance, how your gargantuan ability to absorb but not react to vitriol condones -- an abusive dynamic.

You may also notice that waiting for "issues to pass" sometimes means that the issue never really passes. It merely lies dormant.

You should not tell these adults how to behave out in the world. Encourage them to work things out without over-functioning for them.

On your own behalf you say, "I've had it with your behavior toward me. You are my child, and I love you. If you want to talk things out and work things out, I'd really like to do that. But I simply won't put up with being treated badly." There might be more to this dynamic that you are ignoring.

If this adult has emotional wounds left over from childhood, you should welcome these discussions -- as long as they remain civil.