Editing your spouse is tricky

DEAR AMY: My husband desperately wants to be a famous published author. I have been his editor in the past. I edited his book numerous times before it got "published" online, and now he is writing stories on the Web that he hopes to compile into a novel. He expects me to edit all of these stories. Being his editor before was awful. Although he fixed what I suggested and I helped him make the writing tighter, he didn't learn and the same mistakes occurred over and over again. He can't seem to edit or analyze his own writing. I pulled back from editing because of my demanding full-time job. I am still expected to read everything he writes, and I struggle. First, I am confronted by all those mistakes. Second, I am confronted by his needy questions: "Did you like this?" "Did you like that?" "What did you think about that event?" "Was it good?" It goes on and on. He has participated in writing groups but left them. He took a writing class, but he had conflicts with the instructor -- an award-winning author. He yearns for my approval. He craves my adoring accolades. And he is driving me nuts. Advice?

--Exhausted Wife

DEAR EXHAUSTED: It is important for spouses to know that their partners are on their side. But it is also important for your husband to realize that demanding your praise makes you hostile toward him and his creative projects.

And so you say to him, "I am your biggest fan. But I don't love every single thing you write." Your husband should hire an editor/assistant to help him. His writing would improve if an objective party could give him suggestions and directives. But we both know he won't take suggestions. Some spouses can write and edit together, but your adoring accolades will mean nothing if you are not honest. Without honesty, the empty praise will bring on more insecurity.