Emotional affair is stalling her life

DEAR AMY: I am the mother of two wonderful children, ages 10 and 13. I have been married for almost 15 years. The last few years of my marriage, I have felt emotionally disconnected from my husband. This fall, I began having regular contact with a single man I used to work with and whom I have known for 20 years. This led to an affair. I have tried to cut off contact with him. My husband knows that I have had an emotional affair (because I told him), but does not know the full extent of it, mostly because he does not want to know. I am not seeing the other man while I try to work on my marriage, but we have occasional email contact. My husband and I have been in marriage counseling for three months, but don't seem to be making much progress. I think about the other man all the time, and I envision having a life with him. He told me he loves me, and I may love him, too. Is it time to give up on the marriage?One Foot Out

DEAR ONE: You don't get to decide what your husband "wants to know," and until you choose to tell the truth, your marriage counseling won't progress because your secrecy is impeding intimacy.

Given the situation, "progress" might be defined as you two deciding to separate. He has the right to know where he stands. You don't mention the impact of your marital issues on your children; do not diminish how life-changing this is for them. Commit six more months to trying to repair your marriage, during which you have no contact with your affair partner.

DEAR AMY: "Neighbors of the Not-Neighborly" don't like the sound of their neighbors' kids playing outside. After my own kids grew up and left home, it was much too quiet around here until my neighbors' kids started playing basketball. I loved every minute of the squealing, yells, shouts and bouncing balls that I could hear coming from next door.

James