Ex-stepmom's Facebook claim riles real mom

DEAR AMY: My ex-husband and I divorced when my kids were toddlers. He ended up marrying a woman he worked with. Because my ex didn't want more children, his new wife told me she wanted to "co-parent" my children. She said my kids were her only chance at motherhood. Naturally, this caused issues over the years in terms of boundaries. He and this woman are now divorced. Now the problem is that on her Facebook page, she has photos of my kids and lists them as "my son" and "my daughter." This is very hurtful to me. My kids are the most important relationships in my life. I worked hard at being a single mom with very little help. This woman is no longer even married to my ex. I am not sure what to do. Should I consult an attorney? Should I ask my ex to talk to her? (I understand they are still friendly.) I don't want to involve the kids. She makes an effort to stay in touch with them. She's a difficult person to deal with, and she seems to love to push my buttons. I don't think I would get anywhere asking her myself. How should I handle this?Mother Who Raised ThemDEAR MOTHER: Some stepparents (even former stepparents) are in fact valued "parents," and a reference like this wouldn't necessarily cause problems.

However, I agree that referencing your kids as "hers" should be at your discretion.

Tell her directly, "The kids value their relationship with you, but I'm their mother. For you to claim they are your son and daughter is silly and wrong, and I'd like you to change it." Even if you don't think she would respect your request, you should still make it.

Once you've asked her to correct the information on her page, tell your ex-husband. If they are still friendly, he will be able to back you up.

You will have to consult an attorney to see if her actions and your distress amount to a legal issue.