Ex wants to join family vacation

DEAR AMY: I have been divorced for 10 years. My ex-husband lives 1,000 miles away. This year I am taking three of my grown children on a vacation to Michigan. This was a frequent vacation place for my family when the children were young, and we still all love it. When my ex heard about our vacation, he said he would also come to Michigan and join us! I was upset that he would invite himself on our vacation. My oldest daughter said it would be weird to have him there so she spoke to him about it. He was not happy with this conversation and still plans to join us -- but now for only the weekend part of the trip. I am concerned that he will stay longer than he said he would and wonder why he would come at all! I do not want to be the bad guy or speak with him about this because this could result in bad feelings. How do you think I should handle his desire to participate in our vacation? And if he shows up, what then?

--Vacation-bound Mom

DEAR MOM: I suggest you call your ex and say, "Hey, what gives? I hear you plan to join the kids and me on our vacation this summer." Listen to his answer. He might have a reason.

You could vacation with the kids for one week, and your ex-husband could come to the same spot the following week.

You cannot prevent him from visiting when you will be there. But you should give him a heads-up about how you will feel if he does.

DEAR AMY: I hope "Baffled Classmate" will continue without question to give rides home to her classmate. When I was in high school, the only way I could participate in extracurricular activities was through the kindness of friends' parents. My father was an alcoholic and my mother did not drive. When the pressure to ask my father to drive became too great, I just dropped out of those activities. Forty-eight years later, I can still feel sad about what I missed.

--Still Sad