Facebook is making enemies of this couple

DEAR AMY: I started a Facebook page and did not tell my husband. He is opposed to social networking sites and has concerns about security. He found out when he got an e-mail from someone inviting him to join Facebook; in the message, it said "people you may know on Facebook," and there I was. He flipped out. He has since opened a page, and I "friended" him so he could see what I was doing. He's still angry and still sees it as a betrayal. Was it lying?

--Stephanie in Nashville

DEAR STEPHANIE: You and your husband had discussed this, and you may have left him with the impression that you would not open a Facebook page. If so, opening one and not telling him does seem deceitful. You should have been brave enough to argue your case, saying, "Honey, I know you don't like it, but I'm going to go ahead and do it, anyway. You're welcome to check out my page if you want - otherwise, I consider it to be my choice, my business and my responsibility."

DEAR AMY: Kudos to you for your advice concerning a man whose girlfriend was "handsy" with all her male friends. Your advice to "just observe, not comment" for two weeks, and then decide if he wanted to stay in that situation was what I did in my marriage more than three decades ago. I had several serious issues with my husband. I would point out my desires and my objections, to no avail. Finally, with the help of counseling, I just observed his behavior for about two weeks without nagging. You know what? I told him I was leaving him, and today I am happily married. I also learned a valuable lesson: Love and marriage will not magically change anyone's behavior.

--Learned From Experience

DEAR EXPERIENCE: When a partner "nags," the nagging becomes the relationship red herring, soaking up the emotional energy, while the source of the discontent can be pushed aside. The way to change the dynamic is to stop. Stop expressing the discontent, giving the person nothing of substance to push up against. Maintaining this sort of neutrality is challenging - but a two-week moratorium gives everyone a chance to change, stay the same, make a choice to tolerate the behavior or leave the relationship.