Facing the facts of Facebook

DEAR AMY: My high school daughters were allowed to have Facebook pages this year. I felt they were old enough to understand the good and the ugly that comes along with written, instant communication.

We have an open, honest relationship with daily interaction.

I do not feel it is necessary to look at their "pages," which I equate to reading a note between them and a friend. If I want to know something, I ask.

The problem is that we have several family members who have "friended" the girls. The girls didn't want to hurt their feelings by saying no. Now these relatives peruse the girls' pages on a regular basis but have little, if nothing, to do with them otherwise. I find this inappropriate for these adults. Am I wrong?Offline Mom

DEAR MOM: Your daughters can easily adjust their "privacy" settings to control the kind of access these relatives have to their Facebook pages.

For many people, Facebook has opened a window onto the lives of people they don't have regular contact with.

Many parents (myself included) don't become "friends" with their own kids but are enthusiastic friends with other relatives.

Facebook is where I would learn that my niece just finished composing a song. My nephew posted a YouTube link for a video he edited. I found out on Facebook that my cousin and I happened to be visiting the same city last week. We reconnected "offline."

If your relatives are skulking, or inappropriate - or if the girls simply don't want to connect with them in this way - they should "unfriend" them.

Work with your daughters to help them develop boundaries. Have them teach you how Facebook works - and definitely ask them to show you their pages.

Facebook is not a substitute for real-life interactions. But this virtual connection is helping many people connect in real life. You should try it.