Feeling no ho-ho-ho in getting presents

DEAR AMY: I love my family dearly, but every year we get into huge arguments over gifts. I hate receiving presents. I just don't feel I deserve them. I want Christmas to be about spending time with my family, not about who can spend the most. My parents refuse to see things my way and continue to buy me gifts I don't want. It really hurts me when they do, and they refuse to stop. It seems as if my feelings aren't important, and I must always do things their way. What can I do? I don't want to be a downer on Christmas, but I stay depressed all month because I've done things their way for 28 years and they refuse to acknowledge my beliefs for just one Christmas. Your thoughts?Downer

DEAR DOWNER: Being depressed for the entire month of December is most definitely not the way to go. Because you cannot change your parents but can only ask them to change, you might need to be the one to behave differently.

I agree with you that your parents should be sensitive to your wishes -- and yet this equation runs both ways.

They have feelings, too, and you might be able to influence them by affirming their intent and letting them know you appreciate their generosity toward you -- even though the material aspects of it make you miserable.

It's possible that your expression, "I don't feel I deserve gifts," has ignited a dynamic in them where they respond to your reluctance with overabundance.

I agree that it is inappropriate, but they may be overreacting to prove you are deserving.

Ask your folks yet again to limit their gift-giving to only one gift and bring one gift for them.

If, at age 28, you cannot find a way to negotiate this -- with some compromise on each side -- then maybe you should rethink where and how you spend your Christmas holiday.