Feeling overshadowed by date's late wife

DEAR AMY: I have been dating a widower for almost two months. He lives out of town but we are spending weekends together. His wife passed away nearly three years ago (I have been divorced for 10 years).

Pictures of him and her with family are still on the walls of his house. I recently asked him to remove the one of him and her in their bedroom, and he did. He tells me he leaves the family ones up because of his kids and grandkids coming over. They were married for 38 years, and it looks like the house has not changed since her passing. I'm left to wonder if this man is really ready to be in a new relationship. I want to go to his house, but it gives me an uneasy feeling when I do. I have met two of his three children, who are in their late 30s. I felt I was drilled with questions. Now I wonder if maybe they don't want him to get involved with someone. I have talked to him a little about this, and I just don't know if he is really ready for his next life. Sometimes I wonder if I am just a "test run."Worried

DEAR WORRIED: You are a "test run" for a relationship. So is he. It's called "dating."

People date for a reason: to get to know one another slowly, gradually and in stages.

Understand that this man has every right to display anything he wants on the walls of his house.

When this man is ready to commit to a serious, exclusive relationship with you to the extent that "his" house becomes your shared house, he should negotiate with you about renovating/redecorating and perhaps consigning to albums the family photos he currently displays on his walls.

Please, slow down.

His adult children are justifiably curious about you. Be kind and respectful, instead of suspicious about their motives.

Trust me -- if you two take your time, many of these issues will resolve themselves.