Fighting over having another baby

DEAR AMY: My wife wants to have another baby; I do not. We have a 7-month-old daughter we both love very much, and my wife believes she shouldn't grow up as an only child. I love my daughter, but am happy with one child. Not that I wouldn't love our child if we had another, but I believe that one child is enough. My wife says it's unreasonable that I won't compromise with her on this, but how can you compromise on this? This is a decision that will affect both of us for the rest of our lives. My wife gets on me about this on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis, and it always ends with her declaring that I can't tell her no because I don't get to control everything. Or she insists that I need to come up with a timeline of when I might want a second child. Then she uses a few choice words to describe me, cries all night, then tells me I don't care about her when I don't comfort her. Who wants to comfort someone after being verbally berated? This is turning into a family debacle with no end in sight. Am I being unreasonable? Is she?Frustrated Father

DEAR FATHER: This isn't a question of being reasonable. From your description of your wife's behavior, this is about being rational. You don't say if she has always been volatile and emotional (crying all night when she is disappointed), but I wonder if she may be suffering from postpartum depression.

While it is normal to pine for the sweet stages of a baby's development, your wife runs the risk of missing her enjoyment of the next stage if she is arguing with you. In addition to the important question of whether to have a second baby, you must both work on your relationship dynamic: your intractability and your wife's volatility.

A marriage counselor will not answer this question for you, but will guide and help you both to learn new ways of relating and reacting when you don't get what you want.