Flaunting wealth is poor for love

DEAR SUSAN: Part of reader Jason H.'s problem is that he equates earning power with success. You are right that it's a bad idea for women to flaunt their earning power. But if they do, they're not doing anything that men haven't been doing for centuries. If money is power, it's their way of saying, "I'm powerful and important." Jason is to be commended for realizing the problem is his alone. What we all need to realize is that money is just that: money. It isn't power or importance, and it doesn't decide how valuable you are as a person. From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The trouble is, our society feeds us the line that money is the measure of a person. Jason is caught in that fiction -- but not entirely. He's daring the system to make better sense. And I'm with him. Since when is a man or woman evaluated by figures on an income tax return or the size of his or her holdings? Since when does an outsize ego make someone interesting or loyal? When the front door is shut and the two of you are alone together, no amount of gold bullion can make either of you a better human being. Jason is teetering on the brink of the most important insight of his life, and I suspect this fast-spinning world is having similar effects on many of us -- including me.DEAR SUSAN: Your mention of women's "flaunting" their status and wealth bothers me. What does that mean? Any sign of having money? I own two homes and have nice clothes and jewelry. Is that flaunting? Or am I supposed to put all my money in the bank and pretend I have none? I've worked hard to get what I have, and though I don't insist on expensive gifts/dates, neither am I going to pretend that I'm poorer than I am to satisfy someone's ego.

From the Single File blogDEAR BLOGGER: Such are the vicissitudes of life, I guess -- in this case, having words meant to be helpful tossed back at me in misshapen form that is poles apart from their intention. Misunderstanding comes with the territory of adviser. At any rate, if I can't stand the heat, etc., so here I sit at my trusty computer, potholder at the ready, just a tad less than eager to set the record straight. Flaunting, in my vocabulary, is the conscious and deliberate use of superior wealth, position, intellect, power or influence to make someone feel inferior, less of a person. I applaud your good life and all its perks. I'd like to see every woman have her own money and dominion over it. My opinion shifts when it is used to belittle someone. I have the same opinion of men who flaunt their gold credit cards and glittering cuff links.