For baby's sake, get checked for depression

DEAR AMY: I met someone online and had a child with him after a brief relationship. We didn't know each other well before we settled down. I feel so stuck now. I want to have a normal family life for my child, but I don't want any relationship (sexual or emotional) with this person or anyone else ever! I'm not strong enough to endure the trials and tribulations of a relationship. I've told my fiance this, but he doesn't think I'm serious. Am I being selfish? I know I've messed up two lives - my baby's and my fiance's.

--Joyce

 DEAR JOYCE: You seem depressed. Given the scope of your issues and the fact that you have a baby it's not surprising.

Your baby needs parents who love, nurture and are committed to him.

Being a good mother should be your goal. It's possible to be a good single mom, but it's really hard to be there for your baby if you are so discouraged that you don't ever want to have another relationship.

See your physician. You might be clinically depressed. You and your fiance must work out a way to realize your potential as parents, even if you don't stay together. A counselor or mediator could help you to work through this amicably.

Seek out the company of other parents of young children - this will help you and your baby to feel less isolated.

DEAR AMY: Regarding throwing cold water on toddlers who are having tantrums, when my then toddler daughter was throwing a tantrum, a friend suggested I use this method. I did, and my daughter looked shocked, hurt and confused. I felt like a complete idiot. That was the worse bit of parenting advice I ever received. A word of advice for first-time parents: If it sounds stupid, it is.

--Beverly

DEAR BEVERLY: Like you, I couldn't imagine doing this, but I've heard from many parents who disagree.