Forgot your weight, true love won't wait

DEAR SUSAN: I'm overweight by about 70 pounds. I'm trying to lose weight, but in the here and now I'd like to get to know a special girl who lives in my apartment house. Do you think I should wait until I'm thinner to ask her for a date, or should I go ahead and talk to her now? Ronny H., Long Island

DEAR RONNY: 'Tis a puzzlement. But because of personal experience, I tend to come down on the side of seizing the moment. In my own life, a rather chubby man changed everything. Maybe he wasn't 70 pounds overweight, but he was definitely not slim or trim. We met at a political fundraiser, where I got up enough nerve to walk over and check him out. As I said, his appearance was far from compelling, but I was attracted to something in his eyes. It was an intelligent sense of humor, a knowing quality that held appeal for me. That day began a two-year relationship that was to prove fateful in my life. But -- and this may help you agree with my suggestion not to wait -- he resolved to stop overeating and start a regimen of healthy food. He did lose his extra pounds, motivated by our supportive relationship. Ronny, take heart from my story and begin eating carefully today. And tomorrow, when you approach this girl, tell her you've already started to lose weight. She may not be interested in waiting -- but, then again, she may admire your determination and decide to stick around. I'm rooting for you.

DEAR SUSAN: As a divorced mother coming out of an abusive, codependent and oppressive marriage, I appreciate your Declaration of Undependence; it's just what I need right now. It will be a daily reminder of my wholeness and value. Many thanks for helping me declare my worth.

Eleanor R., New York City

DEAR ELEANOR: We all need to be reminded of our value, most especially in stressful times. (Oprah Winfrey has found that most people don't think enough of themselves.) So, if the Declaration of Undependence can restore self-esteem, "Single File" readers are welcome to it. Printed on parchment paper, the declaration has found its way to refrigerator doors (good family reading), bedroom closets (to be reread while dressing for a date), etc. Here's hoping it will, in some small way, give support as you move into a healthier life.

Note to readers: The Declaration of Undependence is free. Ask for your copy by sending me your name and address.