Frustrated by partner's financial priorities

DEAR AMY: I've been with my partner for more than 15 years. From the start, we've kept most of our money separate. I didn't want to start squabbling about fairness when one or the other came home with a personal purchase (either large or small) that wasn't going to affect our ability to pay bills and cover living expenses. We've put money in our budget to cover everyday household needs and mortgages, and always made decisions on "extras" that come up, such as replacing the furnace. Our strategy has worked well until recently. My partner was laid off about six months ago. He's been diligent about looking for work, while at the same time using his savings to buy himself all sorts of toys worth a few thousand dollars. Arrgh! I haven't complained, but it really is beginning to irritate me. When I bring up more practical matters, like needing to do home repairs, he questions the need. I've either done the work or hired someone to do it. I feel like telling him to stop with the toys for a while. I'm out of ideas on how to negotiate new behavior. Burned-out Babe in Toyland

DEAR BURNED-OUT: There's nothing wrong with keeping your money separate, but transparency about your personal finances is necessary for your partnership to be healthy. When times are tough, money drives a wedge between you.

Obviously, you two should have a fund ample enough to cover extra household expenses - and if you hire someone to do a household repair, your partner should share the cost.

His choice to spend his way through his unemployment is a dangerous practice. Does your partner have gobs of money safely set aside in case his unemployment stretches into retirement? Bring this up and work out a series of compromises for a variety of scenarios - this includes the possibility of waiting on home repairs.

Working this out with a couple's counselor would be a great investment.