Galled that niece who eloped wants wedding

DEAR AMY: Is it appropriate to wear a wedding dress and stage a wedding ceremony (featuring bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc.) after an elopement that caused huge rifts and heartache in the family? This young, headstrong girl ran off in secret and lied to her family. The groom offered to annul the marriage and there were more ultimatums and manipulations. My sister has been saving money for a wedding for two years to appease her daughter. I want to support my sister but find the whole thing ridiculous. We all suggested a nice family dinner and party, but my niece refuses to consider this. She wants her wedding dress and the wedding of a lifetime. We would all be happy to celebrate in an appropriate way, but the wedding dress seems over the top and this seems like the result of another spoiled tantrum. Since she chose to elope, I'd say that choice precludes getting married again. It's like having your cake and eating it -- twice! Your view?Angry Aunt

DEAR AUNT: I believe that all marrying couples should finance their own parties.

Your niece is financing her party through her mother's good graces. These two women have the right to make this choice. If your sister asks your opinion about all of this, you should give it. Otherwise, exercise the discipline to keep your judgment to yourself.

It is not unheard of to elope and then stage a full wedding after the fact. (Military couples sometimes choose to do this because of deployments, for instance.) It is obvious that you think this wedding is a sham. You also don't seem to appreciate your niece's behavior or pretensions.

If you decide to go to this wedding, you should do your utmost to be a great guest. You should not gossip about the bride or groom, or speculate about their motives. If you feel you cannot keep your own behavior and opinions in check, you probably should stay home.