Girlfriend drives son's choice of college

DEAR AMY: My 17-year-old son, "Michael," lives with his mother in another city. He has been dating "Emily" for two years. She is a smart, nice girl and generally a good influence on him. They spend all of their free time together. I'm concerned that my son does not have any friends outside of this relationship. Now the two of them are dead set on going to the same college. Emily has chosen a school that may not be the best choice for him. He's a very high achiever. I am against sending him to the same college for fear that he will miss the opportunity to grow outside of this relationship. I'm also concerned that if they break up, he will be stuck in a school that isn't great for him. I don't feel as if I can just tell him where to go. My parents did that to me, and I resented it. I would gladly send him to a more expensive school. I could withhold my consent, but because my ex-wife doesn't see this as a problem, it would ultimately lead to a legal battle.

Concerned Dad

DEAR DAD: If "Emily" is isolating your son from his other friends and if she is severely limiting his choices, he may be locked into an unhealthy relationship. But there may be no reason to be alarmed. You, your ex-wife and Emily's parents should talk about it.

Part of your son's education is that he will be faced with the consequences of following someone to college, rather than leading himself there.

If he is a high achiever, he will continue to be, and if he and his girlfriend break up, he will not be stuck at this school because he can exercise his options to stay or to transfer.

The real question is why your son is in a relationship that is so exclusive that it is isolating. Also, why is his girlfriend the one making these important decisions for him? But the solution is not for you to make these decisions for him the way your parents did for you.

Lay out his options, voice your objections and the possible consequences - then let him decide.