Give lady friend a chance to grieve

DEAR AMY: I am a 50-year-old divorced man who dated a 51-year-old woman five times in one month. The dates we had were wonderful, with a lot of talking and romance. We spoke of taking the relationship to the next level and discussed our (unremarkable) sexual histories. During this time my lady friend was dealing with her father, who was terminally ill. One night she and I discussed her dad's illness and she was in tears. A few days later, she emailed me stating that while we were having a great time, we needed to play things by ear because she had too much on her plate. Her father died three weeks ago, and I have not heard from her, even though I called and emailed. I also sent a condolence card. I have stopped trying to contact her because I feel devalued. I am dismayed and perplexed with this surprising turn of events. What do you think?Puzzled

DEAR PUZZLED: I think you must be lucky enough never to have lost a parent. Take this woman at her word. She was overwhelmed before her father's death, and she is likely sad and still overwhelmed now.

You should assume that she has been running on fumes and simply can't respond to you the way you would like. You should wait another couple of weeks and email her to let her know that you are thinking about her and hope she is doing OK. If she doesn't respond, you should assume she will not be in touch.

Resume whatever you had been doing previously to meet other people. Chalk up this experience to unfortunate timing.

DEAR AMY: I'm confused by your stance on saying grace. If a non-grace-saying person is supposed to "allow" grace to be said before a meal in her/his house, is it not also required of those who say grace in their own homes to refrain when their guest does not say grace? I worked with a woman who quietly bowed her head and said a prayer before she ate in the company cafeteria (considering the food, not a bad idea) while everyone else ate and chatted. As an atheist, I don't feel I need to have grace said out loud in my house.

Let people think their prayers. Please clarify. Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: My stance is admittedly nonlinear. But if someone asks if she can say grace before a meal at your house and if doing so aloud would offend you, can you say, "Of course, but would you mind doing so silently?" If you are a guest at someone else's house and they say grace aloud, you are welcome not to say grace.

I advocate only for respect.