Graciously return repeated gift

DEAR AMY: My grandmother is always punctual about sending birthday cards to all her grandchildren. On my last birthday a few months ago, her card did not come on time in the mail as it usually does. I didn't take offense because it was around the first anniversary of the passing of my grandfather, and as my grandmother is approaching her mid-80s, she has become more forgetful. I wasn't going to say anything to my grandmother, but my mother kindly told her on the phone a couple weeks later that she had forgotten about my birthday. My grandmother was extremely apologetic and sent me a card right away with money enclosed. I received another birthday card from my grandmother yesterday. Inside was a check and a little note saying how sorry she was about the delay. I now have two birthday cards from her with money inside. Is it wrong to keep the money? Is it appropriate to send the money back to her and a second thank-you card?

A Not So Happy Birthday

DEAR NOT: Age, and the stress of dealing with loss and grief, can bring on distraction or forgetfulness. Send the second check back to your grandmother with a note saying, "This year, I have been lucky to get two birthday greetings from you, but you have been overly generous, so I'm returning this second check to you.

"I hope you don't feel pressured to keep up with all the birthdays in your calendar, grandma. Most of all I want you to know how much I love you and how much I appreciate all of these reminders of what you mean to me." Use this as a reason to keep in closer touch with your grandmother. She sounds like a peach.

DEAR AMY: "Breathless in the Midwest" described how challenging it would be for her to stay with her mother while on vacation due to her mother's smoking. I'm surprised you didn't suggest she stay in a hotel! Surprised Reader