Grieving parents feel friends let them down

DEAR AMY: My husband has worked with "Ted" for 25 years, and we have socialized with him and his wife, "Joan," a few times a year. I've always considered them to be friends, and I thought the feeling was mutual. My husband and I are introverts. We have no family and no other "close" friends. Our 22-year-old son died three months ago. We phoned these friends and said we would have an intimate memorial service at our son's favorite hiking spot two hours away. In reply, they sent us an email of condolence. When we decided on the date for the service, I offered to give them a ride. A couple of days before the service, my husband mentioned it to Ted, who said that they would be going camping that weekend (by themselves). And that was all. One short email of condolence. Period. Our son's friends and colleagues attended the service, but my husband and I had no personal support. Ted and Joan have since asked us twice to join them for drinks and dinner, but we made polite excuses. I feel we should end our social relationship with them. My husband says he understands my viewpoint and will support it. Am I overreacting?Hurting

DEAR HURTING: When it comes to a loss like yours, there is no right (or wrong) way for a parent to behave.

However, at times like this, it is also common for friends and family to blunder (sometimes badly). Sometimes people are so freaked out by the enormity of this loss that they actually abandon grieving parents rather than confront their own confusion and anxiety. Your friends ran away when they should have run toward you.

Now they are reaching out to revive your friendship. Because you and your husband are natural introverts, you may lack the experience to realize that friendships can survive after massive disappointment, but only if both parties are honest with one another. Even if you never want to see them again, you should explain why.