Guests she really didn't bargain for

DEAR AMY: My mom plans to visit me from Europe with my little brother. I suggested she bring her boyfriend and his three young kids. They've been an item for about a year. We don't have a large house but offered to make room for him and his kids. I wanted the opportunity to get to know my potential stepfather and stepbrothers.

However, a few weeks ago he dumped her and said he was canceling his trip. She didn't hear from him for more than a week. Then I got a text from my mother saying that they had decided to be friends and that he's coming along on the trip. She tells me he's still staying at my house. My husband and I are not comfortable having my mom's ex-boyfriend stay with us for a week. I'm happy they are friends, but we would not have invited him and his kids to stay with us for a week if they were anything but a serious couple. We have three young kids and we both work full time. My mom says we invited him and now we are disinviting him. This is true. However, we invited her "boyfriend" and feel his dumping her is a deal breaker. We made a decision that we felt was best for all seven kids (age 6-11) involved. We have offered to host him and his kids for meals at our house, but we asked that they stay in a hotel. My mom feels I am being rude. Am I obligated to stand by my original invitation, even though he dumped my mom?

--Obligated?

DEAR OBLIGATED: Your mother doesn't get to decide who stays at your house. I agree with you that the changed circumstances have changed your obligation to host this large group for a week of overnights.

You are not declaring that this family cannot come to this country, and you are not refusing to acquaint yourself with your mother's friend.

If this family comes on the trip and stays at a hotel, it gives all of you a chance to get to know one another at a comfortable distance.