He cheats, but she can't snuff old flame

DEAR AMY: After 40 years of marriage, I reconnected with an old boyfriend on Facebook. We got together a few times and ended up being intimate. His wife found out, and he broke off any further contact. He confided in me that he had cheated on her with another woman on an ongoing basis for a year. My problem? I can't get over him. I have been in love with him for all these years, never got over him, and find I still have feelings for him. How do I get over these feelings? My husband has no idea I cheated on him this one time; otherwise, I have been faithful to him for all these years. I realize these types of letters are usually written by much younger people, but I still have feelings for this man. What should I do?LostDEAR LOST:Now that many kids have stopped using Facebook, the social networking site seems to function mainly as a vehicle by which people in my generation can get themselves into trouble.

The kind of passion you can have with someone from your youth who is unavailable is very different from the steadiness (perhaps staleness) of your very long marriage.

Passion is not rational, but its antidote is. Try to consider rationally the true attractiveness of the serial cheater who rejects you when he is caught.

Now that you have been rejected (this is part of the reason you are stuck in your passionate moment), you need to distract yourself by deliberately choosing to build -- or rebuild -- other relationships in order to stop ruminating about the one you can't (and shouldn't) have.

The way to get over this relationship is to recommit and reconnect to your marriage -- one day at a time. If you have learned anything from this episode (perhaps that you want more heat and passion in your life), take these lessons and apply them to your marriage. If you find you cannot override your longings over time on your own, therapy could help.