He loves his wife, but she's cheated twice

DEAR AMY: I recently discovered that my wife of 20 years has been having a two-year love affair with a man in another state who works for her company. This follows a short-lived affair she had about 14 years ago. After my recent discovery, we rationally discussed where to go from here. We have a vulnerable 10-year-old son to think about (and two boys in college). My wife and I still get along, but she struggles to be intimate with me, and confesses she has never really been "in love" with me. She appreciates all I do for her, but it is becoming apparent that she may never really be happy with me as her husband. We've agreed to go to counseling to try and work things out, but I can't help but wonder whether staying in the marriage is the right decision for me. Even through two affairs, I love and adore her and simply wish she would love me back. But if she hasn't fallen in love with me over the course of the past two decades (and yet fell deeply in love with two other men during that time), can it ever happen?Twice Bitten Still Shy

DEAR TWICE BITTEN: I can't predict the future, but I do know something about human nature. Your wife's words and actions fall into a fairly clear pattern - and so do yours.

Generally, patterns continue apace - that's what makes them patterns.

And so your wife will periodically fall in love with other people, and you will mourn and pine and try to patch things up.

You deserve to see the love you extend returned to you.

Passionless marriages can succeed as fond partnerships, but your wife deceives you when she feels like it, and that's not how good partners behave.

You two must hash this out in counseling, and then you will have an individual decision to make. Your decision should come from a place of personal integrity, and not from the hope that your wife will break her long-standing pattern and behave differently.