He's 40, 'asexual' and jealous of others

DEAR AMY: Do you believe a person can be asexual? I am a 40-year-old male who has never dated or had a girlfriend. I just don't have the desire or feel the need to be sexual. Being this way has ruined my life. I have very little self-esteem. I am so jealous of everyone else. I have accomplished very little in 40 years. I have tried therapy and it really doesn't help. I want to know if you think I would be a good candidate for testosterone therapy. My testosterone has always been on the low end of normal. The therapist I am currently seeing said it is odd that my testosterone has never fluctuated. Any advice? --Asexual

DEAR ASEXUAL: Your physician is the best person to give you informed advice, medical therapy or refer you to a specialist. Your therapist should offer you support and strategies to deal with your feelings concerning your asexuality.

According to one study published by the National Institutes of Health, approximately 1 percent of the population studied identified as "asexual," or not experiencing sexual attraction. This is an emerging identification as people become more comfortable describing their sexuality along a broader spectrum. For information, you can peruse the website asexuality.org.

Being asexual does not mean that you cannot have healthy and happy, intimate emotional relationships and friendships. If you have underlying depression, it will interfere with your ability to live an integrated, happy life more than asexuality would. This is something to pursue in therapy.

Our job as human beings is to live our best possible life. I hope that you will find ways to balance your particular challenges with your gifts and talents, and realize that there is a special kind of perfection in you -- just as you are. Accepting your authentic self, without feeling you are deeply flawed or need to be changed, will give you a new, more affirmative perspective.