He's not really sure about love

DEAR AMY: I'm a 25-year-old male, and I've been in what I think of as a "comfortable" relationship for more than two years. Although I know my girlfriend is loyal and would make a wonderful mother and wife, I get stuck on some glaring traits, such as her lack of ambition and that she expects me to give her expensive gifts. Basically, she doesn't understand the value of a dollar and the hard work it takes to earn it, but she always wants to spend it, and I'm not sure that will ever change because she was spoiled by her parents. While I can imagine myself with her forever, I feel as though I'm "settling" and I don't know if I'm "in love" with her. On top of this, I often am haunted by the thoughts of an old flame and friend of mine. I know the whole lovey-dovey feelings often die out a bit after being with someone for an extended period of time, but I think of this other girl as a girl I've always loved. I've had feelings for more than seven years for her. I know she shared these feelings for me at one point. If I "settle" now because I'm comfortable, I'll never know about the possibility of the other relationship. On the other hand, I'm not sure I can give up what I've worked at for more than two years. Maybe if I somehow got over the other woman, I'd be able to focus more on my girlfriend, but I've thought these feelings would go away and they haven't. Can you help me?The Settler

DEAR SETTLER: I wonder how your loyal girlfriend would feel if she knew that you feel you are "settling" for her.

I can guarantee that if you enter a marriage feeling you are settling, it doesn't have much chance of succeeding.

Make a decision about your long-term relationship. Don't hedge your bets; be a grown-up and make a choice.

You don't need a definitive reason to leave a relationship; in the end, it doesn't end up mattering much because there are real reasons and then there are the reasons you supply.