DEAR AMY: I am a 26-year-old man, about to have my first child with a very wonderful 24-year-old woman. We are not married, and our families are supportive but keep hinting that marriage is the right thing to do. My girlfriend feels as if it's a shotgun wedding situation. What's a good amount of time before I propose -- without her second-guessing my intentions? 
 --Dad-to-be 
 DEAR DAD: I don't love the term "shotgun wedding situation," but for lack of a different way to describe it -- it is. 
 This pregnancy has pulled you together into a family on a schedule other than what you had planned. Marriages have been made on far flimsier ground. 
 If you want to marry the mother of your child, ask her now. 
 DEAR AMY: "Wondering Out West" asked you if she should stay in her marriage to a man who routinely states that he "wants out" in 10 years. This hit a nerve with me. As a child growing up, I witnessed my aunt and uncle's troubled marriage, with attendant abuse, ruin the lives of my two cousins. They stayed together "for the children." If the marriage is unhappy/unhealthy, this is the picture the children take with them. It will certainly have a profound effect on them as they navigate through life. When my children's father began a relationship with a co-worker and our marriage began deteriorating, I did not want them to grow up thinking a loveless marriage was OK. I tried to make it work, but the divorce was inevitable. I met and married a wonderful man, and I am so proud of the way my children, now great parents themselves, turned out. Staying together "for the children" in a relationship turned sour is very toxic. 
 --Faithful Reader 
 DEAR FAITHFUL: I completely agree that this is no way to conduct a marriage.

DEAR AMY: I am a 26-year-old man, about to have my first child with a very wonderful 24-year-old woman. We are not married, and our families are supportive but keep hinting that marriage is the right thing to do. My girlfriend feels as if it's a shotgun wedding situation. What's a good amount of time before I propose -- without her second-guessing my intentions? --Dad-to-be DEAR DAD: I don't love the term "shotgun wedding situation," but for lack of a different way to describe it -- it is. This pregnancy has pulled you together into a family on a schedule other than what you had planned. Marriages have been made on far flimsier ground. If you want to marry the mother of your child, ask her now. DEAR AMY: "Wondering Out West" asked you if she should stay in her marriage to a man who routinely states that he "wants out" in 10 years. This hit a nerve with me. As a child growing up, I witnessed my aunt and uncle's troubled marriage, with attendant abuse, ruin the lives of my two cousins. They stayed together "for the children." If the marriage is unhappy/unhealthy, this is the picture the children take with them. It will certainly have a profound effect on them as they navigate through life. When my children's father began a relationship with a co-worker and our marriage began deteriorating, I did not want them to grow up thinking a loveless marriage was OK. I tried to make it work, but the divorce was inevitable. I met and married a wonderful man, and I am so proud of the way my children, now great parents themselves, turned out. Staying together "for the children" in a relationship turned sour is very toxic. --Faithful Reader DEAR FAITHFUL: I completely agree that this is no way to conduct a marriage.

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