Helping parents through a SIDS loss

DEAR AMY: My husband and I lost our infant son to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). We both fell into a deep, dark depression. Every day continues to be a struggle. I'm writing to let other parents know that they are not alone in their grief and to help others provide necessary support to the bereaved parents. A few days after my son's funeral, we received numerous cards and flowers, and then everything stopped. We just felt so alone. We still do. I understand that people do not know what to say. I can tell you that it is better to say something than not to say anything at all. A simple "I'm sorry" is very meaningful. I hope you will be able to provide insight on how to approach the parents of a child who has passed away.

Mourning

DEAR MOURNING: My sincere sympathy to your family.

I called Allison Glover, bereavement support specialist for FirstCandle.org (800-221- 7437). She lost her own child to SIDS 11 years ago and now counsels other grieving parents. Glover says she will answer a grieving parent's call any time, day or night (and I can testify that she picked up on the first ring).

She wants you to know that this terrible phase will not last forever. "With time, you will be able to find comfort and peace.

"There is hope. You should reach out to other grieving families who are a little further along in the journey.

"You may worry that you have outtalked your closest friends and family; keep a journal to express your feelings, fears and dreams."

For your friends and family members: Sometimes words fail, but a mere presence to listen is so helpful. This is especially important after the first six weeks (and certainly during the holidays).

Glover would like to remind you that even though he is gone, your son will always be a part of your family. Even as you are struggling with grief, realizing this might help.