Her dad's cancer dims her party mood

DEAR AMY: My 21st birthday is less than two weeks away, and I have planned a perfect birthday weekend for myself and my friends. Unfortunately, my father was diagnosed with cancer and is recovering from surgery. Of course, I am devastated and contemplating canceling my birthday celebration this year. My sister knows I may be canceling and says I'm being overdramatic. She says I shouldn't cancel a huge moment in my life. Her birthday is a month after mine and after I advised her of my plans she continues to send me ideas for birthday gifts she would like me to get her. She is completely disregarding my feelings. I find this very rude and selfish. How can she think about her birthday after I have thought of canceling mine? Should I cancel my celebration? Confront my sister about being tacky? Or am I really being too dramatic?Birthday Girl

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Your father's illness has thrown a grenade into your household.

This is deeply upsetting, but as you travel this rough road, you will see that every family member will respond to this challenge differently.

Some people crumple; some people charge ahead and seem oblivious, but most often family members swing between the extremes, depending on their temperament, maturity and that day's prognosis.

In this instance, you should think about what your father would want. If he is able, you could take this issue to him.

Tell him, "Dad, I don't really feel like partying with my buds this year. Can you and I celebrate my birthday together?"

Your father might genuinely want you to go out and have fun. If so, then you should absolutely try to do it.

Speaking as a parent, I think I would want my kids to celebrate and try to have fun -- but to save a slice of cake for me.

Talk to your sister, but don't expect her to feel exactly as you do.