Her exes are excess baggage

DEAR AMY: I started dating a woman last July. After a month of seeing each other, she was still having trouble detaching from her former romantic partners. I told her to wait until she was ready to date me. After almost a month, she asked me to start a relationship. It was great until we found out she was pregnant. Ultimately, she terminated the pregnancy, and we continued to date. At Christmas, she informed me that she had cheated on me numerous times with both of her ex-boyfriends. I was heartbroken but in love. I forgave her under the condition that she stop communicating with them. About a month later, she told me she couldn't handle not talking to them but promised they were just friends. For three months I thought we were in an exclusive relationship, but two days ago she said we were just "friends with benefits" and that she is starting to have feelings for someone else. Should I listen to my heart and wait for her to realize what we had was important? Should I wait and hope she comes back? Or should I walk away and come to terms with the fact that she just doesn't want me in her life. Please help. I'm in love and can't help it, and I'd love your opinion.Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED: The relationship I'm most concerned about -- and the one you should pay the most attention to -- is the one you have with yourself.

Your erstwhile girlfriend is a one-woman relationship wrecking ball. She is chronically unable to commit to anyone, and your efforts to control her do not work.

Love is not cruel. Love is kind. Someone who loves you will never ask you to compromise your own personal integrity to be in a relationship. Find a thoughtful friend or therapist to discuss this with. Your personal goal should be to reclaim your own life, love yourself more and love her not at all.