Her generosity goes unappreciated

DEAR AMY: Is there a diplomatic way to suggest to friends that they could be more conscientious in acknowledging their gratitude? My husband and I are blessed with good incomes, so we have been generous in loaning out our vacation home. We have let people stay there for many days without getting so much as a thank-you note or an entry into the house's guest book. Then with little contact, they'll ask the next year for another week. I loaned the house to one acquaintance, actually hoping that it might lead to our becoming friends. They used the house for three different vacation weeks, and then asked if they could use it for a house party with their friends. I'd have felt fine about it if at least it had led to an invitation to take a walk or to have a cup of coffee together. When someone expresses his or her gratitude thoughtfully, it feels like a great connection. One couple used the house and then came over and planted raspberry starts in our yard. It was perfect. Should I just continue as I have been, expecting nothing but wishing for something?

--Well-off But Lonely

DEAR LONELY: You should not lend out your house as a way to promote a friendship, but as a way to honor a relationship that already exists.

When you've been blessed with bounty, it's generous to share it. But even if the recipients of your generosity are incapable of actual gratitude, any adult knows (or should know) that thanking someone is a necessity if you want to see the largesse repeated.

Let's start with the people who "thanked" you by asking for more. If they want your house this year you say, "Oh, we never heard from you after the last time, so I just assumed you didn't enjoy it. I'm all booked up this year." Life is too short to spend it behaving like the doormat.

Take your cue from those raspberries sprouting in your yard and become just a little bit prickly.